I bolt awake every morning to see how much longer I have before I have to make the move to begin getting ready for work. I always awake before the alarm and squint to see the clock on the bookcase. I hate my job. Going on twenty one years. Only recently do I sweat and squirm before the alarm clock rings, worrying how I'm going to make it. Nearly thirty students in a ceramics class, six classes a day.  Half the little fuckers don't give a shit about what I really love. They sit around gawking at their stupid cellphones. At least they're quiet.

Before the sun even thinks about rising I gotta begin my day. I work in another state, have an hour commute, and school starts before 7:30. So I rise by 3:30, outta the house by five. I'm not one to wake and go. I have to shock myself awake with lots of caffeine and a little nicotine. It's always dark when I leave so I feel lonely and sad. It's especially bad in the winter when cold temps add to the misery.

How did I get here? Why so miserable? I blame myself and the idiotic school administrators I work for. Myself because I mindlessly made major life choices often taking the easiest route. The admins because they treat the potential gem of my class like a piece of dog shit. They over stuff an inadequate space full of kids who couldn't care less. All in the name of fulfilling state mandated art credits. I should be grateful for the job security but hate what my job really is.

a little whim

This bitcoin controversy is intriguing. It points to the fact that all currency, short of actual gold, is all just illusion. It only has value because we say so. Maybe the attention bitcoin garners will have some effect on the reality maps of the squares. If they see the reality behind the facade maybe some change will occur in their ossified cognitive centers. There is always hope.

1) I don't understand why some people are so insanely against gay marriage. What are they afraid of? The "End of the World?" You mean Armageddon? Well ain't Jezus supposed to arrive back here then? And ain't that what they (the crazy haters) want ultimately anyway? So don't they see that if they really want Jay to come back they should emphatically endorse gay marriage? Some people just don't get it.

2) It's fitting that the NFL Washington "Redskins" remains the name of the team from our nation's capitol. Don't they get that by keeping the name intact they are symbolically still perpetrating genocide? Or something like that? Or do they get it and keep the name as a big crypto-"fuck you" to all us evolving individuals?

I feel like I'm on the verge of some immense change. It's like I have my ear on a railroad track, listening to the approaching vibrations. It feels immense, like how the ocean feels, or like an unobstructed blue sky. It's power can kill or direct me to metamorphosis. I imagine that is painful for the caterpillar to mutate into a butterfly. You know, physically the thing dissolves and reforms. That's gotta hurt! But if the transformation is survived, profound everlasting sublime unknowable unspeakable beauty emerges. I sometimes wonder if that is how it is when we die.

Well it hadda happin

I'm so sick of reading the idiocy and lies that constitute the news, entertainment, pop music, politics and sports cultures. It seems any moron that can identify letters on a keyboard and manage to push them proficiently has something to say and feels free to express it. So what am I waiting for, I can push letters around.